Sunday, September 9, 2012

feelings, emotions and stuff..

Seems a bit weird that I, a self-admitted emotion-avoider, have been borrowing movies and books from my friends about love lately. I used to despise reading about two people falling and being in love, but it seems my heart is warming more and more to the idea of relationships as time goes on. I've gone from trying to convince myself that I could actually be in a committed relationship, to finally believeing that this is what I want and that if the right person comes along, it could work. Even the thought of a relationship would send me running the other way a few months ago, so big step for me talking about this now. I'm not saying that I hate being single now and that I will magically stop functioning if a guy doesn't step in to my life soon, I'm just saying that if a guy comes along, I'll listen to my heart this time instead of ignoring it and always keeping my head in control.
Talking and thinking about this also makes me realise that the past relationships I ruined had nothing to do with them being the wrong person for me, we just happened to meet at the wrong time. A time I wasn't ready to give them the committment they needed, nor capable of it. If I could rewind time feeling the way I do now and knowing what I do now, I'd change it all if I could. No point living with regrets though..just a matter of accepting that things went wrong and from now on I can do things the right way.
Seem to be using my blog as what seems to be some kind of therapy session today, but it's good to finally put down in words what I'm thinking and how I'm feeling. Props to psychology for allowing me to become more aware of certain issues about myself that I need to work on. Dying of excitement to start studying psych at uni because there's so much more out there for me to learn. It also means I'm one step closer to a career in this field where I can help others, possibly with problems similar to the one's I've dealt with in my teenage years. Such a nerd at heart, I know.

Otherwise, this morning led me in to a panic because the power died and I thought I would be spending the rest of the day with no TV, computer nor the ability to heat up food. Luckily that's fixed now and I'm watching some crappy daytime TV and typing away feeling incredibly thankful for technology. I also spoke to my dad this morning and he asked if I wanted to spend next week in Queensland with him, then to drive back to Sydney to get my hours up on my Ls. Decisions, decisons...
Tonight's plans are a movie night with my friends, depending on if my mum can give me a lift home (note to self: Hurry up and get your Ps so you can go wherever you want whenever you want!).
Well before I write a complete essay, I'm off to make myself some lunch and watch the Ellen DeGeneres show. Adios amigos.

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